The Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma CatalogThe people at W-S aren't the least bit self-conscious about getting you to pay $35 for mailed gravy. So I thought I would go through this holiday season's catalog, which has spent a solid week atop my shitter, and point out some of the more ridiculous items. Because there are people out there who buy this shit. The question is ... who? And why? Let's try to figure that out now.
Item #02-1496058 Potato Scrubbing Gloves
Williams-Sonoma says: "Scrub potatoes clean while preserving skin that's nutrient rich. Set of two."
Notes from Drew: I desperately wanted it to say "Set of one" at the end. But anyway, who WOULDN'T like to have special gloves for whenever you have to handle potatoes? Potatoes are dirty and smelly, so it behooves you to wear a pair of gloves that will absorb all that dirt and grime and then get soaked through. Be sure to let them dry on your radiator! I also like that these gloves come with the word POTATO labeled across each one. Late at night, I often go digging through my basement screaming, "WHERE ARE THE GODDAMN POTATO GLOVES?" Because I usually end up grabbing the carrot gloves first, you know?
Item #02-2719136 Chef'n Panini Spatula
Williams-Sonoma says: "Wide platform with a slot simplifies slicing then lifting even the largest sandwiches."
Notes from Drew: ZOMG THIS SANDWICH IS SO LARGE! I can't possibly lift it using only my hands or a common spatula. If only someone out there would invent a unique tool that would allow me to lift my panini and then transfer it to a plate. I'm not just gonna pick it up myself, like a DOG. There's hot gruyere in that sandwich! It could burn.
By the way, you should know that any kitchen utensil designed specifically for one kind of food or meal is essentially useless: a panini spatula, a fondue pot, a steak tartare fork. Unless you plan on eating raclette four days a week, you don't need any of that shit.
Item #02-787713 Williams-Sonoma Cocktail Rimming Sugar
Williams-Sonoma says: "Spiced, Citrus, or Vanilla."
Notes from Drew: Why have an ordinary rimjob when you can add just a touch of Madagascar vanilla? That's how classy folk do their rimming.