Redneck Medical Terminology [via Sam Cormier]

* Artery.............................The study of Paintings.

* Benign......................What you be after you be eight.

* Bacteria..........................Back door to cafeteria.

* Barium......................What doctors do when patients die.

* Cesarean Section................A neighborhood in Rome.

* Catscan...........................Searching for Kitty.

* Cauterize.........................Made eye contact with her.

* Colic................................A sheep dog.

* Coma...............................A punctuation mark.

* D&C.................................Where Washington is.

* Dilate...............................To live long.

* Enema..............................Not a friend.

* Fester...............................Quicker than someone else.

* Fibula................................A small lie.

* Genital..............................Non-Jewish person.

* G.I. Series....................World Series of military baseball.

* Hangnail..........................What you hang your coat on.

* Impotent.............................Distinguished, well known.

* Labor Pain...........................Getting hurt at work.

* Medical Staff.....................A Doctor's cane.

* Morbid...............................A higher offer than I bid.

* Nitrates.............................Cheaper than day rates.

* Node.................................I knew it.

* Outpatient.........................A person who has fainted.

* Pap Smear...........................A fatherhood test.

* Pelvis...............................Second cousin to Elvis.

* Post Operative...................A letter carrier.

* Recovery Room...................Place to do upholstery.

* Rectum.............................Darn near killed him.

* Secretion...........................Hiding something

* Seizure..............................Roman emperor.

* Tablet................................A small table.

*Terminal Illness.................Getting sick at the airport.

* Tumor.............................More than one.

* Urine...............................Opposite of you're out

* Varicose...........................Near by

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